Family stability more important for your children than finding the ‘best’ school?

How much energy parents spend – quite understandably – on finding the ‘right’ or ‘best’ school for their children. But perhaps there are more important things, even for the sake of their education and schooling. Joanna Morehead explains.

After describing the typical scramble for school places, here are her comments on the significance of family stability:

It seems strange that parents, while focusing so intently on school, seem often to ignore a much cheaper way of improving their children’s educational lot. Because the more stable a home life children have, the better they will be able to concentrate at school, the better behaved they will be in school, and the better grades they will have on leaving school.

There’s plenty of research to back all this up: a recent study by the Childhood Wellbeing Research Centre found that children aged seven and older tended to do more poorly in exams and to behave badly at school if their parents split up. Another report funded by the Economic and Social Research Council, released at the end of last year, found that a stable family life meant children were more likely to take in what’s being offered in the classroom. According to the Royal College of Psychiatrists, teenagers whose parents are fighting or separating may find it difficult to concentrate at school.

Of course, many marriages are completely on track, 100% hunky dory, and here the only thing worth stressing about is a school’s Sats and GCSE results. But it may not be you, and I have to admit it’s not me either: I’ve been married for more than a quarter of a century, and the one thing I’m sure of is that it’s not a bed of roses. I’ve also got four children aged between 11 and 21; and while I’m truly grateful to the many teachers who have taught them, and the schools they’ve been pupils at, I’ve become more convinced as the years go by that a stable home is an absolutely vital ingredient in how they’re getting on – and certainly much more crucial than where their school sits in the local league table.

So shelling out a few hundred quid for a course of Relate counselling sessions (and if you’re on a low income, it can be a lot less, or even free) could be a much better use of the family’s funds than spending thousands on moving house. Sure, your children might end up at a school whose exam results aren’t quite so glowing – but that’s more than offset by the fact that they are likely to do better for having happier parents (and moving house, after all, puts even more pressure on a relationship).

According to Relate, 80% of clients who went for adult relationship counselling said their partnership had been strengthened as a result. According to a whole pile of research stretching back across many decades, children tend to do best when they’re raised in a stable family.